BDSM was not his thing, but…


BDSM binds two people, even if they are very different from each other. My first man felt guilty because of my age. At the same time I was scared that he sees my sexual response to pain – scared and excited at the same time. He could not stop doing what he was doing then, because I could not handle myself, on the other hand all the time he said it is appalling that I am a child. At the end, I said that there’s nothing I can do about it and hopefully he would manage to cope with my specific kind of sex. He did not understand the essence of the situation: “what you can not handle?” He pulled out of my knee dozens of splinters .
BDSM was not his thing.
He was good with women. At one point he raised his head and grabbed my face, and I didn’t control myself any more – what was happening to me was, at that moment, stronger than fear or shame. I suppose that the coexistence of conflicting emotions excites me further. Excited me inevitability – that he already knows, and it does not cease to happen, that I can only accept what next moment brings. There was a tension between us over the past few days – when we first met, he openly showed interest in me and I reacted nervously. When he found out how old I am, he became snippy and unpleasant to me – and then we fond ourselves in a situation, where there was no one else to help me with my needs. Well, when I accepted it , he somehow granted this acceptance. He has never done any BDSM session – but somehow he could give me this kind of pleasure .


Submission and Domination. I am switch.


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In BDSM and life an escape from fear rejects me. I do not know if you have ever wondered about it, but my experience tells me that continuous control is terribly exhausting. Sometime I need a calming BDSM session, with a submission rather than domination . On the other hand – in the category of ” humiliation ” I still struggle with myself. Living with my previous man I have revalued the majority of my beliefs about submission and domination. With my last man I understood that this is the flow, that the division of roles does not exist, that despite the natural predisposition sexually I’m not only submissive. At that time the conviction was born in me, that wherever you want freedom, you do not have it . Shortly after we started dating, practically in bed, laughed at some of my contemporary beliefs about dominance and submission. I felt awful then, I became aggressive, started to shout something like: “I am not a toy”.
and he said: “
For what I heard , you are not, because toys are fun and easy to use, and handling me requires the skills of a sapper”. And he added that he refuses to fight with me. And even though, I was grabbing my clothes – he got dressed up much quicker and he left, leaving me alone in his apartment. When he came back, I was sitting on the edge of the bed as he left me. I could leave, but I did not want. And I understood that it was always like this – even when I thought otherwise. Following someone just like running from someone / something is always a decision. The choice of what to do at the moment is always on my side. That I let myself into something and then I am limiting myself from something.

BDSM with my last partner let me understand that I can switch between those two roles.

BDSM – to free the mind and know the power.


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BDSM world opened my mind and let me free. When I was very little, I began to mutilate myself – I am not able to identify the exact moment when it started , what was the first stimulus. Probably my nervous system liquefies the boundaries between pain and sexual pleasure. These insights were so real that I knew an orgasm before I understood what it is and it came from the physical damage to my body.

I had to be a strong guard, I also needed to learn quickly how to think like an adult. My childhood was virtually alone in the company of adults. I had no close friends and for a very long time I could not communicate with them – I was speaking a scientific language almost, operating abstractions. Contacts with peers tired and discouraged me. 

BDSM is also about boundaries, although bans do not exist for me, if I do not understand the basics. I do not shoot fuss, nor I fall into hysterics – I learned very early that nothing in this way can be attained. As I was getting better at this, my mind was also taken into the thought – I could see that my freedom is very limited, I’m different, and the kids hate the otherness, so they punished me for it . When I was 13 I said to my dad something like : “I know that you limit my freedom so much, because you love me and you’re afraid about my safety, but you are doing wrong.” We changed the system back then – a new system that was absolute sincerity – ” You can do different things, but if something will be wrong, we always need to know about it quickly .”

BDSM – I think was for me a natural consequence. I entered the BDSM world very early and I had to learn quickly that relationship of racial sadist would have been deadly for me – once such a lover drove me into the wall so hard that I broke two ribs, but I told him about it only when we’re done. I allow myself to the full implementation of my sexuality only when I feel so safe, that I can turn off the rational assessment of physical risks.

When after all this time of insulation I finally gained something: that I was free, I began to systematically expand the boundaries, moving often to the point of extreme – experience of the hunger was stronger than what could be described as ” common sense “.
The mere crossing of the border was so great for me, that each time it weakened the consequences of my actions, even if they were very uncomfortable. Everything interpreted as a limitation, aroused my reluctance . So for example, I was involved in a very long term sadomaso relationships – in a sense I still am. Monogamy, if some prior assumptions, the condition still raises my reluctance . If there is a choice left in each particular case then I am not against it.
I am bisexual and that means , among other things , that the world is not divided for me to feminine and masculine – these spheres to me are penetrating each other, they mix in me. When I want to seduce a woman – I go in a more ” hard ” mode . The denial of anything in advance rejects me. Homophobia rejects me. Any phobia in fact. BDSM let me stay opened to the people and their needs.

BDSM can be fun. Domination and submission.


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Is the pain fun? It turns out that it might be, and it’s great .

What is sex beyond a barrier, with domination and submission then?

Close your eyes. Imagine that you are lying on your back, drifting on the calm water. It is soft, everything flows, lazy inertia, heat.
And in this very pleasant, relaxed state, gently move the tongue over the strongly waved like a little part of the palate, just behind the teeth. Move back and forth slightly, but slowly, carefully . When I do so, I feel such a pleasant tingle.
All women being asked , feel a pleasant tingling sensation in the lower abdomen. Some of the reactions you have to learn . This place reminds a deep point ( called : deep spot – anatomical erogenous spot on the bottom of the vagina – ed.) And mild tingling level is quite similar. It is a way to show a guy ” how it works”.This tingling is a promise of pleasure. Something like feel with a slight puncture or incision light . By doing these things long enough , you can give me an orgasm. At higher puncture impressions are similar to those of the deep stimulation. If hits me properly, this feeling is similar to the first strong motion , when a man comes inside me – with no preliminary games. If this happens with a lot of points on my body at the same time , I feel as if I dissolve the brain. To all this can be applied even for example salt or fresh ginger … who urgently irritates mucous membranes. After about 30 minutes of smoking effect, the irritation disappears. This is driving me crazy. I suppose that deep cuts would be like this , however, no one has ever done that to me and I would rather not want to do so ( I use my body , but I do not want to destroy it ). Pain is like a kiss – as a kiss can be pleasant or not ; it all depends , from whom comes, from the situation, in which I experience it .

BDSM in classic session is a game of will, a struggle.
It is not that the submission is a weakness, and the dominance is the force.
I do not distinguish between BDSM and non- BDSM; it’s just sex , which I’m entirely in. It just happens, no appointment is needed for anything , without setting the rules in advance. This comes from the mutual trust of intimacy, fear of abandonment , which one finds in me and what I find in it. We mutually are watching our fears and trying to get out of there. Mutually stalking our borders and moving them further. It’s asking rough questions and making everything to hear the answers. It is a mutual injecting someone into your head, removing every locks. For me it is a mystic.

Domination, which to some extent may reflect BDSM, begins where the jokes end. Submission is always preceded by a deep trust – there’s no room for negotiation. Trust is involved, on the fact that one party does not have to inform the other what is going to happen, similar to another situation, when someone does not have a medical knowledge should not be approaching a person with a scalpel . If it does, it means that nothing is certain. Both sides have to be certain of each other. How it works – before you trust someone, you must first trust yourself.

BDSM requires some entourage, so dominatrix and a slave need to supply themselves with a proper toys. I equipped my private BDSM dungeon with BDSM accessories and BDSM furniture. There are plenty of the good shops, but I choose the best quality only, stylish and professional. It gives me a real cosmic experience.

How to wear and care about your latex clothes.


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When someone thinks of a fetish and S / M , one of the first things that come to mind is underwear from latex.
It’s a fact , latex settled in eroticism and continuously reigns as the material associated with sex and perversion . But is it right?

Latex underwear is not only catsuit or a mask. Latex is grateful to the material from which the good expert, the tailor and vulcanizer , conjures up such wonders as: bikinis, coats, leggings, tops, blouses and shoes. Latex is found in many colors , not just black and red . And even though It is common that is the unofficial uniform of frolics sadomasochistic , latex can be haute couture . There are many companies and communities, through which the latex slowly goes out into the street. Fans of latex have their own handwriting, social networking and reunions . Latex can be glamorous !

What exactly is latex?

Latex or rubber, natural or synthetic. Natural rubber is the milky sap of trees such as Hevea braziliensis. To the stabilizer the juice is added to, such as ammonia, and then the dye is subjected to a coagulation. With latex , in addition to clothing for connoisseurs also produced condoms , gloves, car tires , foam used in construction , etc.

In the initial state lingerie and latex clothes do not look too inviting ; latex is dull , it can be seen from fingerprints and creases. In a word, it’s a piece of gum . But skilfully laid, latex is like a second skin!

How to put latex on?

The most important thing is to know if we are allergic to latex. Knock-out creation is not worth rashes, abrasions and itchy skin. If you are allergic to latex better get interested in something else like vinyl or metallic lycra.

If we know that we can safely wear latex, make sure the size is right. Latex tightly wraps your skin , but is not as stretchy as for example spandex. Mismatched size, if we can push him, unsightly wrinkles and comes off, even at the risk of deformation and fracture , not to mention the discomfort. The best solution would be to have our latex layette tailor-made, but the price would be astronomical , not to mention finding someone who knows the ” sewing” of the latex.

First, before putting the latex on we have take care of ourselves. The skin must be dry, not sprayed with perfume ( which destroy latex) or lotions or creams based on oils. Oils , petrolatum or other fat-based lubricants dissolve latex ! Too long nails or sharp jewelry also can damage the material. Let us be as careful as when setting up a condom.

Our creation must first reverse the left side and properly ” moisturize ” lubricant that reduces friction on the establishment and wear. Best suited for this silicone-based lubricant – it is safe for latex , and at the same time gently “fat “, not absorbed by the skin, so long will provide us with a slippery surface. The same lubricant can apply a thin layer on the skin.

There are available special talcs to latex for sale , not to mention the talc available in pharmacies and drugstores. But they are not so widely used . Latex is airtight , making the skin sweats . Pot in combination with talc creates unsightly lumps and stains the material .

With latex should not wrestle! Material may be resistant, but when we hold it tightly and press on the power, we risk the stretch and even break . Latex outfits have their “memory ” so they can appear on their permanent fingerprints and thinner areas where the material was stretched tight. The best solution is slow, phased donning latex , like a snake shedding Moulting , only vice versa. This same strategy works with his cheating .

Companies specializing in latex clothes are on offer special polishes, thanks to which we give the material desired shine and even color. However, cheaper and more accessible alternative is silicone lubricant , which should be applied to the material and polish the soft cloth.

How to wear latex?

Although sometimes we fall into self-admiration , seeing ourselves in the mirror after a laborious setting, be aware that latex is impermeable to air, so the skin can not breathe. In time, we begin to feel discomfort , even pain. There is no one rule beaten as long as you wear latex, they will sense the moment when the fun stops .

Do not wear jewelry that may discolor the material. Some metals , such as bronze or copper badly affect colorful materials. The safest way is surgical steel .

Bathing in latex is a risky business. Sea salt or chlorine discolor the material and lead to its crushing. However, if you want to take a chance frolic in the bath or shower immediately after playing we have to dry the material .

Latex does not like bright light and high temperatures. Although the human body heat and artificial light do not harm him too much, heat and harsh sunlight quickly shorten its life. Not to mention common sense, because who comes out in full costume at the greatest heat?

Removing latex is equally and sometimes even more arduous task than putting it on. Skin swelling, sweating, material descends reluctantly. Let’s use in this situation a method of a snake shedding its old skin is not haste to ” sliding ” of our “second skin ” without haste, in stages.

How to care about latex?

Latex requires maintenance and care, then we will be able to enjoy our latex clothes for years. It should be promptly cleaned. Lubes , sweat and fats naturally secreted by human skin adversely affect its quality .

We start from the left. Lukewarm water and a soft cloth is usually sufficient, although the stronger dirt, a small amount of soft soap is indicated. After washing flicks material to get rid of excess water and gently wipe dry. The material can be dried on the wide, plastic hanger in a well-ventilated place. Let’s not use the dryer! Similarly, after drying left, right side has to be clean as well. Latex should be stored in a dry and dark place, away from the heat sources. The best thing is to keep it in a protective tissue paper to prevent its sticking. Latex likes dry , dark and quiet.

Alternatives to latex

Not every person likes latex. This material requires a lot of hassle in setting it up ,wearing it, removing , cleaning and storage. Not everyone likes the sound also seems the movement, its tight adhesion and restraint of movement. Many people simply feel in latex strange and unreal. For these people, the best alternative is leather, vinyl and lacquer, datex or metallic lycra . The latter is the cheapest and most comfortable to wear with minimal attention in setting up and cleaning , although it should be washed by hand .

Love and chlorine


We decided to go for a swim. I watched as her naked, pale body is immersed in water. I jumped in clothes – just for a spice, but very wet jeans restrain moves. The most convenient way to swim is totally naked, wearing swimming goggles only, watching under water how the body behaves, swimming in a classic style.

There was nobody home so we could enjoy ourselves all day long. Swimming, playing and kissing. It was a totally diferent world – our own, with just two of us, doing everything what comes up in mind. I could not resist any longer, I wanted more of her. Just in the corner of the swimming pool we did it.

Soap bubbles

I wonder about the ability to come up with unimportant matters , which do not have the slightest importance , and are like bubbles in the wind . Alice had this capability. She clogged her emptiness by the objects. Her room was not only eclectic. It was tasteless. Crammed mess of boxes, books, figurines , photos, CDs , pens and suitcases just tired an eye .

Lack of practicality , the inability to set realistic targets, frothing bubbles on long journeys , about this and that , which will never be realized. The important thing was revels in the concept . She lacked humility, instead was inflated delight and persistence in inculcating of the same to others. With the constant frequency of changing interest like a hyperactive child, trafficking , switching idols and places. She could not grasp the one, but the most important thing in her life. Being in one state, already thinking about the next one, from one place to another, dreamed of denying the uniqueness of the existing. Bored quickly with the new ideas , people, or places where she had to spend too much time .

She’s never been able to admit a mistake and never apologized. She was like an oracle -all knowing, all seing. Although she looked like a resourceful person, she was not an independent one. Depending on the situation she had to rely on the assistance or money of someone elses. Without this, being alone, she wasn’t able to accomplish anything. The challenges, the success, which depended on her ended up mostly failed.

She was able to brag about your new clothes , some new concepts and plans that passed like the spring storm, but I’ve never heard the story of higher value , where she would be the person, who is really helpful to others. She was a narcistic personality most of all .

We live inside a dream.

We live inside a dream.

World at a glance like the fairy tales by David Lynch.
Have you seen Mulholland Drive?
I’ve seen it.
And what is it about? I don’t understand it.

We were told that we are chasing an illusion.

The desires of childhood constantly reminded of it. Losing myself I entered the worlds of others. However, I quickly burned up searching for the new desires, different names, new places, new worlds, not explored ones. I was abandoning life quite often, living in a world, that kept failng, never meeting my ideas and hopes. Entangled in the adventures of the certain expectations and passions, but in most of them I could not endure. I could also go the same path as the people important to me for a while. It is difficult for a casual observer to understand the logic of women‘s action , because in these activities there is no algorithm, an easily discernible order.